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It's Done

9/30/2014

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I turned in the Glimmer Train story last night, so here's hoping it does well. I want to thank Tamara, Andrea, Katie, Winter, Mom, and Mary Katherine for offering your input. Some of you ladies did a really thorough analysis, and the story ended up SO much better because of it. I mean, I don't think it was super horrible to begin with, but there were several things that really needed help. What kind of friend lets her pregnant roommate sit out in the hall without even checking on her? (Second round readers won't know what this is about. It's O.K.) That was the biggest change, but there were other important ones, as well.
For better or worse, I decided to go with the title 'Life Unexpected'.
They're supposed to announce winners on December 1st, so if you hear a whole lot of whoopin' and hollerin' from the east coast that day, it's just me learning that the story placed in the contest. Otherwise, you can assume they chose someone else. There are worse things.
Love to all you readers and supporters,
                                                                R.A.
P.S. If you don't yet subscribe to this blog, what are you waiting for? It doesn't cost you anything, and you might have the laugh of your life, or win a prize, or be enlightened, or something.
Just click here.


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Review of 'The Storm Dragon's Heart'

9/27/2014

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The Storm Dragon's Heart (Storm Phase 1) by David Alastair Hayden

I'm not sure what drew me to pick up this book in the first place, but I decided to read it because I'd never read a fantasy with an Asian feel. When I say Asian I don't mean that it's set in Asia or even that it's based on Asian mythology, only that it's based on ancient Asia the way most fantasy is based on a Renaissance culture--very loosely and with great liberties taken. Over-all I enjoyed the book and its original (to me) mood.

Turesobei is a young wizard in training, and one of the things I liked is that from the beginning he understands his potential and that he will someday be high wizard. I also enjoy the classic 'coming into power' stories (or I wouldn't have written one), but this was a nice change. I had some trouble relating to 'Sobei' at times, probably because he's a teenage boy and thinks like one. I don't usually have trouble relating to adult male characters, but I'm afraid that teens can be a little too clueless for me *bangs head on wall*. There was also the somewhat stereotypical (spelled that right first try, woohoo!) female bad-girl love interest, but she was different in that she was furry. There were several interesting characters, and the main ones were fairly well fleshed out by the end of the book.

That said, there were a LOT of characters, and most of them were the flat, disposable types. I don't think I ever felt truly in suspense, or like I was worried about anyone, even though there were numerous fight scenes with people dying. It's not that the writing was sloppy or poorly edited; on the contrary it's very clean for an indie book. I just had a hard time getting emotionally engaged at times. It started feeling long and I was ready to move on to something else. Of course, I read this between Divergent books, which were extremely gripping to me (did I mention I hated the ending of those?) , so that might have skewed my perception of 'The Storm Dragon's Heart'. For those looking for a straightforward adventure book with a more typical 'They went here and fought these people, then went there and were ambushed by these demons' story, this would be a good choice.

Language: I can't remember any foul language. If there was any, it was minor.

Sexual Content: A couple scenes with the furry girl taking off clothes, but nothing is really described, and there's no sex scene.

Violence: Yes, fight scenes and blood, but all pretty normal stuff for fantasy.

Over-All Message/Plot: No real message, just a fantasy quest with an Asian undertone. As far as I remember, anything that might have been considered a plot hole was at least addressed and explained away so I didn't get irritated.

3.5 stars.

If you want to keep up with my reviews, subscribe to my blog at rawhitebooksandmore(dot)weebly(dot)com.





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Trooper Video

9/27/2014

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Here's a funny video of our new favorite game. You can get one of these or something like it at the dollar store, and make your own video. In fact, I challenge you to make a silly game video and share the link with us. If you enjoy this, subscribe so you don't miss out on future installments.
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The Glimmer Train Contest

9/22/2014

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I've made a lot of progress on this project, thanks to the public announcement and help from several online friends from here and facebook. Here's how it's going:

1. Came up with the idea.

2. Wrote a first draft.

3. Got some brave souls to read it.

4. Got feedback from 4 of those people. Still waiting on a couple.

Next:

5. Rewrite the draft.

6. Self edit the draft.

7. Give it to the editor.

8. Fix all the errors.

9. Force my husband to check it one last time.

10. Submit it to the magazine.

11. Pray continually that this will be my big break. You all can help with this part too, if you don't mind.
To follow my professional and personal progress, subscribe.
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Review of 'Divergent' Series

9/22/2014

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I've gotten so that I usually only post reviews on here when they're either fantasy or interracial, but this series hit me so hard that I had to share. Here's my review:

The Divergent Series by Veronica Roth

Now that I've finished the series, I understand why some of my friends were hesitant to recommend it. For me, the ending was one star. Well, sort of. I hate the way the story resolves, and I think it could have had just as much impact without it going the way it did, yet I still couldn't put it down. It had me so emotionally entangled that I had no chance of getting lose, and I was glad I was home alone so no one could see me getting worked up by a fictional story. Is it still making a fool of yourself if no one is there to see it? And when I say the ending, I don't mean the last few pages or even chapter. It was a large chunk of the book. Of course, there were also nice things about it…

I usually review books individually, but in this case the books are so tied together that I don't feel the need to separate them. I appreciate that they didn't feel distinctive. Sometimes it feels like characters change between books, but not in this case. I felt connected to Tris the whole time, probably because I feel like her in a lot of ways. I get angry about the same things she does, and frustrated about many of the same insufficiencies in myself that she does. The times when she irritated me were times when she did things I never would, like going to Erudite headquarters in book 2. My thought was that they would still have made their threats good, and going to them would have solved nothing. I still think it was out of character for Jeanine to keep her word (if she did, that is. No one ever said otherwise, as far as I can remember, so I assume so.)

There were a few things like that over the course of the books, when events or people didn't seem to follow a logical progression, but then, I guess I could say the same about real life. Several things bothered me in the first book, but I think they were all addressed in the second, and they were all explanations I could swallow.

I think my biggest gripe about the series, aside from the ending (which was well done, just not the kind I like), was all the making out. Sometimes I wondered if Tris and Four had any other interest in each other. They did, and it was proved several times, but I got tired of the kissing and groping and wished they would have more conversations, or at least get back to fighting people.

I've been turning this series over and over in my mind since I started reading it, and now that I'm finished, I wonder if I'll ever leave it behind completely. Others have told me they didn't feel this way at all, that they had a hard time connecting with the story, but I guess it's just a difference of perspectives. I'm having a hard time deciding how to rate it. In many ways it was a solid five stars, but in others I felt let down and wanted to smack someone. I think I'll go with 4.5.

Language: One or two mildly offensive words in the entire series.

Sexual Content: Lots of kissing and touching, a little bit of clothing removal, and plenty of, 'Oh, his muscles', 'Oh, his tattoos'. It's probably not all that big of a percentage of the books, but it was a little too much for me. There were two times in the story where I got the 'pan away' feeling and thought people were 'going all the way', but then later I found out I was wrong. Well, with the last time I never was sure what had happened. Neither character thought about it afterward, which I thought was strange. Losing your virginity or even just almost losing your virginity isn't something you forget to think about.  I really appreciate that Mrs. Roth didn't give me reason to skip pages or even paragraphs, but I do wish things hadn't felt so ambiguous.

Violence: Lots and lots of fighting, bleeding, and characters dying. I cried in this book, and I don't generally do that unless I'm hormonal.

Over-All Message: Excellent. There were lots of things to make me think, and even to change the way I look at things. I especially love the part where Tris is angry at Four for not doing as she thinks is best, and then she realizes that she was trying to make him a follower. As I mentioned before, I can see a lot of myself in her, and it was good for me to think in those terms. I'll probably still get upset when people ignore me to their detriment, but I'll look back and remind myself that my not being followed isn't a reflection of my credibility, it's a reflection of other people's free will.

Plot: I think it held together pretty well, especially considering how much there was to hold together. Several times I saw holes, but then I'm pretty sure they were all filled later in the series. The writing itself was short on description and long on internal thoughts, particularly in book 1, but for an introvert like me, this wasn't a bad thing. Tris does a lot of explaining, which again, didn't bother me, but I'm kind of surprised that it got picked up by an agent and publisher, since it seems like this kind of sparse writing style isn't held in high regard by many. I know I've been gently (and sometimes less gently) criticized for it on occasion. But I'm glad it did get picked up, or I might never have had the chance to read it. And then I wouldn't have spent so much of the day blubbering because not only did my series end, but it ended in a way I didn't like.
You can follow my reviews on goodreads, or you can subscribe to this blog and get notices of my reviews as well as lots of other interesting news..
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A Great Idea

9/16/2014

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I found this at the park today, and thought I would share in case anyone else wants to try it. Someone put up this box so people can add and take books away for free, whenever they want. It's so cool! We'll be checking it for good stuff whenever we go to the park, now, and after this weekend's yard sale, I'll have some books to drop in.
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Please Share Your Experience...

9/14/2014

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Hi, everybody. I'm about finished with my first draft of a short story for a big contest, for Glimmer Train Magazine. The title of the contest is 'Family Matters', and I decided to write a story about my son's birth. I have a few facts about his birthmother, all of which I've built into the story, but most of it is pure fiction.The reason I need help is that I'm writing about all kinds of things that I haven't experienced myself, including: a scary ex boyfriend, being pregnant, miscarriage, giving birth, making an adoption plan, being black, living in N.Y. city, being a single mom, and probably a few other things. If any of you could give me insight into any of these things, I would really appreciate it. The story is about 8,000 words, and I'm not looking for help with editing, just with making it feel realistic. I can take constructive advice, and will understand if you say I got something all wrong. If any of you has time and inclination, please let me know and I'll send you a pdf. Thank you for considering it. No pressure.If you're not a subscriber but you want to see how this turns out, you can subscribe here.
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Trooper Stories

9/8/2014

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OK, new Trooper stories, including the grossest thing he's ever done, and also a riveting story about an important movie and a spider.

1. I'll start with the important movie. We watched 'Twelve Years a Slave' the other night, and it's one of those movies/books that I didn't really enjoy, but that I think everyone should watch or read. I was up late that night, trying to focus on writing my short story for Glimmer Train, but the movie kept invading my thoughts. While I was working in the living room, I heard Trooper talking in his bed.

"Trooper, it's late. Who are you talking to in here?"

"I'm just singing 'Happy Birthday' to me." And sure enough he was. He was looking at a toy truck catalogue and dreaming of his upcoming birthday. Just eleven and a half months to go.

So anyway, I finally went to bed, and I still couldn't stop thinking about that movie. I was lying on my back with my eyes open, not looking at anything, but trying to think about something more sleep-friendly so I could relax.

And then I saw it. A little movement on the ceiling, about three feet east of my head. But did I really see something, or was it my imagination? It was dark, after all, and it's not unusual to imagine things in the dark. So I looked for a moment longer, and then I thought I saw it move again, something dark shifting across the ceiling in the direction of my face. Oh, brother, for real? Yes. It skittered about a foot toward me all at once, and I elbowed Jonathan to wake him up. By this time it was almost 11:30pm, and he'd been asleep for a while.

Now before I go any farther with this story, let me take a moment to expound upon Jonathan's fear of spiders. I've had several near death experiences in the car because a spider crawled out onto the windshield and he almost wrecked. No exaggeration here. There was screaming and swerving at high speeds. There have also been occasions where I was abruptly woken from my sleep by him shouting and thrashing, having dreamt that a spider was on him or crawling in the sheets. The first time I thought we were under attack by aliens or something, but it was just a creepy dream on his side of the bed.

So back to me elbowing him. "Jonathan. Jonathan wake up. There's something on the ceiling."

He was instantly awake. "A spider?"

"I think so."

He literally jumped out of bed and ran into the kitchen to get the bug spray, which he keeps in a large jug with a high pressure sprayer and hose. I stayed in the room to keep my eye on the bug. While I was there, I moved pillows off the bed and spread out the sheet to make it harder for the little monster to get lost if it fell onto the bed. When Jonathan was ready, I turned on the light and he let go with a stream of toxic brine like he was a Ghost Buster and he'd just caught sight of Slimer.

He hit the spider, and it dropped.

"It's on the bed," he said.

"Are you sure? I didn't see it fall on there, and I don't see it now."

"Yes, I'm sure."

I wasn't convinced, but I moved closer to the bed for a good look. It took me a while to find it, because somehow it was hiding on the side of a wrinkle or something, but then it took off running for the end of the bed. It was awfully fast for a spider that had already been blasted by poison, and it had disappeared again before we really caught site of it. So Jonathan stood at the ready while I carefully folded up the top sheet and then the bottom, searching for our prey, and suddenly there it was running off the end of the bed and across the carpet toward a haphazard stack of boxes and paperbacks that I hope to one day sell (I can mail signed copies at discount prices, in case you wondered). Jonathan started shooting that nasty crud all over the floor, hitting the spider as it ran back and forth, but not seeming to slow it at all.

Finally, it stood still, not in the manner of a creature searching for breath or strength, but like a beast waiting for an opportunity to strike. Seriously, it was staring us down. Jonathan miraculously produced a napkin, dropped on the spider, and started jumping on it. I thought that was hilarious, and started laughing, and would you believe that spider ran out from under the napkin right toward me!

Then Jonathan stomped on it again, and that was finally the end. Here's hoping it hadn't already stashed a sack of eggs somewhere in here.

2. One day, mid morning, Trooper decided he was going to stop calling me 'Mom' and call me 'Mama'. I have no idea where this idea came from, and I can't begin to guess why he embraced it with such tenacity. He called me that non stop all day, repeating it over and over, often for no apparent reason. It might not have been so bad if he didn't say it so distinctly. It reminded me way too much of those creepy talking dolls, "Ma Ma, Ma Ma," and I kept expecting to find him sneaking around the corner with my good butcher knife. By late afternoon I was positively frazzled from hearing this six hundred times, and ready to lock him in the basement. Instead, I took him to the park, where he continued to torture me even though I repeatedly told him I didn't want him to say it, anymore. Finally, I followed through on a threat to take him home and put him to bed because he wouldn't stop. After several fairly severe punishments over the course of the evening and next morning, he finally gave in. Now he calls me 'Mother', and it kind of sounds like he has a Russian accent when he says it, but I don't mind. I still have no idea why he developed a sudden aversion to the title 'Mom'.

3. And now, the grossest thing he's ever done. It was about lunch time, Jonathan had come home to eat and I had run to the bathroom before putting out food. Well, Jonathan and I both stepped into the kitchen at the same time, and Trooper was acting weird. Unusually weird, in fact. He was lying on the floor behind the trashcan as though he was hiding.

"Trooper, what are you doing?" I asked suspiciously.

Nothing from him but a sneaky grin.

"Do you have something in your mouth?" And now I pause in my writing because just thinking about this grosses me out. "Do you have something in your mouth?" I asked again, and he gave me this half shrug, mischief look. "Come here." I pulled him to his feet so I could see him up close, and Jonathan came up behind me to find out what was going on. "What's in your mouth?" I demanded.

He finally opened up a crack, and his mouth was packed with something that looked a little like peaches. I opened the fridge to see if he'd taken a bit out of the peach that sat on the shelf, but no, it was unscathed. "Trooper, what is that?" It had to be something he wasn't supposed to have, because he was all kinds of guilty.

Then Jonathan figured it out. "It's raw chicken!"

We had cubes in there to cook later that night, and he'd stolen some out of the bowl. I instantly held him over the garbage and had him spit it out, and then I took him to the bathroom and brushed his teeth with toothpaste and then with mouthwash while Jonathan sanitized the parts of the kitchen we thought he might have contaminated.

Trooper had been warned about the dangers of raw meat numerous times, but I guess he thought we were just holding out on him. Now he knows. It was more disgusting than any poop misadventure we've ever had, and we've had plenty of those, too. Gag.

Thanks for reading my Trooper Stories. If you don't already subscribe, you can do that here. And if you have any stories you'd like to share, you can put them in the comments section.






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This is the Way to Play

9/6/2014

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My Aunt shared this picture on facebook and said it was OK for me to share it here. It's a picture of my cousin playing with her dolls. Can you tell why I thought it worth sharing? Hint: it's not just because she's so imaginative.

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'Family Matters' Contest

9/2/2014

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I was reading that writers (and everyone, really) should make their goals known to others because it helps us feel accountable and motivates us. So, here's me stating that I intend to enter Glimmer Train's short story contest called 'Family Matters'. I don't really think of myself as a short story person, but this one called to me. Glimmer Train is a 'real' short story fiction magazine with LOTS of readers, and winning a contest, or even just being published by them, carries a lot of clout. They also pay. I can't say that isn't part of the appeal.

The deadline is September 30, much sooner than I'm comfortable with, but I know what I want to write about, so I think I can do it. When I have a good draft done, I plan to post it here and ask for feedback, so please be prepared to tell me how I can improve it.

Whew. They were right; posting publically DOES make me feel accountable. I'm going

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