1. Behind me in the car, Trooper was making a noise that sounded a lot like a fake hiccup. "What are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm hicking up."
2. Trooper's other nickname has long been 'the dawdler' because he can take an amazingly long time to do anything you can think of from exiting the car to eating a lollipop to… well, anything you can think of. So now I often set timers to limit the time he spends on things like eating, for example, because otherwise he could literally spend all day at the table. When it's time to get ready for bed I always send him to the drawer in the living room to get his chap stick, and of course he likes to take his good old time, and sometimes doesn’t come back at all so I have to go get him. Well, about a week ago I got the bright idea to give him a five count to return with the chap stick 'or else'. It kind of worked, but all of that is just to set up for something that made me laugh out loud a minute ago. This time I told him to go get his chap stick, but I didn't realize he was already connected to one of his machines, which meant he couldn't go without taking it off. So I told him to just wait on the bed while I went to get it. I'd taken four steps down the hall before I heard him calling, "One, two, three, four, five." It took me a minute to figure what he was doing, but then I lost it laughing.
I don't know if I should admit this, but it really did motivate me to move quicker. And now I know that maybe a five count really isn't quite enough time. I need to give him about eight to be fair.
3. Do I have the only child who consistently has to use the toilette within five seconds of my being on it? Of course we only have one bathroom in our house, or it wouldn't be such a big deal, but I'm telling you at least once a day I'm using the facilities and Trooper barges in dancing and begging me to hurry because 'I donna pee my pants'. I don't understand it! I mean, I kind of do because for the longest time I suddenly had to go desperately every time I heard Jonathan's razor start up, but that was different. I never peed on the rug because Jonathan didn't get out of my way in time. And do you know how hard it is to clean that rug? It's an awesome rug, but not something that can easily go in the washer. I may or may not have begun telling him to get in the bathtub so he won't get it on the floor if he leaks.
So I've taken to ranting about this, and since Trooper loves to tease (see previous story) he decided to get me the other day. I went to the bathroom, and sure enough he came running in about five seconds later. I said, "Trooper, I just asked you if you had to go and you said no!" And I'm telling you I saw this sparkle in his eye and I knew he was faking the whole thing. He was jumping around whining, "I gotta go, I donna pee my pants," and holding himself, but he did NOT have to go. That little booger.
Anyway, this is my plight, and I do wonder if any of you have similar problems or if it's just me. You know, like the mom on 'A Christmas Story' who never had a hot meal because every time she sat down someone suddenly needed something.
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